Chapter 9: Conflicted

So Mike was gone. Gone gone gone. Gone. And he was a Basic Cadet, which meant there was not a chance in Haiti he'd be calling me anytime soon. And he wouldn't be home until Christmas. And he couldn't call until like the end of July. And he left for six years. Which as I previously mentioned that he left for forever in all reality. And I was seventeen. SEVENTEEN. Keep that in mind as you read further.

Before I diverge into how my summer shaped up, I would like to point out that I was gutsy in those days. After Mike left, I thought it would be a good idea that I called his MOTHER whom I had never met and invited her to LUNCH because I thought she might miss her son and after all I missed her son so why not? After introducing myself as Mike's friend and explained that we were exchanging letters and I had news about her son's daily life that we might want to share, she readily accepted my invitation to lunch. I picked her up one sunny day in June. I will remember this day always. Not necessarily because it's the day I met Mike's mom. But because it's the day I met Chuck, Mike's little brother. Right before, he left for the Academy, he got a flat top. It was all the age of Top Gun and flat tops and stuff so it was cool. And as I pulled my awesome celica with no air conditioning up to the Meeker household for the third time in my life, a little version of the boy I missed came cartwheeling across the lawn, flat top and all. My breath actually caught in my throat. The difference was that this mini Mike had blue eyes and mine had green. That's it. He came running up and said "HI, I'M CHUCKY. " I don't remember what I said back. It's like the memory is some dream where it's too bright outside and you don't remember anything but a feeling and a sentence. I remember Mike's Mom was nice and we both ordered spinach salads at lunch. I remember thinking that I missed Mike with all my heart.

And just when I was sure my heart would break and I would write letters everyday until my pink smelly pen ran out of ink and I got writers cramp and ran out of pink rose stationary scented with Paris perfume...I got kind of tired of staying home on Saturday nights. And Kelly was present, in town, and we had a rhythm and a routine and a system and above everything else...he was my friend. And oh, by the way, I had never really told him about Mike. Cuz nothing technically had ever happened to tell. He was just a dream of what might have been tucked deep inside my heart that embodied the absolute pure knowledge that it was never gonna happen. So on I went, with a sincere desire in my heart to give it my best shot with Kelly, the boy who was my best friend and with whom I could talk to about anything...except for this.

We went to visit Kelly's Dad in Utah that summer. We took a road trip in which I still swear we saw aliens in the Nevada desert in the middle of the night. (But that's another story for another time) I remember his Dad was very nice and his brother Dan was a senior when we were Freshman and was present on a night I regret with all my heart in which I dated the spawn of Satan who happened to be his friend. But luckily, Dan didn't seem to remember me. Kelly took me to all the Utah hot spots. Temple square, Sconecutters and the grounds of the Jordan River Temple. I was not a Mormon at this time. I was actually, pretty adamantly opposed to Mormons in general despite my large number of friends who happened to BE Mormons. I can't explain it other than this. That day we walked around the Jordan River Temple grounds, I felt something. I felt a clarity and a feeling in my heart that I know now was letting me know I was beginning a journey that would change the course of my life. I knew two things. My church taught that Mormons were not Christians. I knew that both Kelly and Mike were. So somebody was wrong. It was that simple. Either Mormons were Christians or they were not. And I knew at that moment as I looked up at the white marble of the Jordan River Temple and the sun set to the west and the flowers were in full summer bloom that I would need to find out the answer to that question.